uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My dick has a subreddit
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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