I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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