I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
