you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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