I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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