so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
