My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
