why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
