I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
