don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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