so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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