PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
