my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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