She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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