I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
