check it out our google latitudes are spooning
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Who died my cat blue again?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
