I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
