she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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