We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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