Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
