wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
