as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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