one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
