Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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