i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
