It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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