Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My dick has a subreddit
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
