You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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