It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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