I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You need a sexual gate keeper
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
