i wish my penis had a tongue
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
