those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
