Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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