I feel like I'm in dance class right now
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
