i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
