When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
