dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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