this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
