He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
