ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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