please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
