im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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