i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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