he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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