Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
After tacos, we're chasing women.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
