I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
