I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
