I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
