I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
