I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
