We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
