when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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