In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i dont even know how to be here
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
