Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
