just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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