one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
