i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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