Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
