I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
