Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
