craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
