i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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