she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize