I'm drive I can fine osifer
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
