I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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