Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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