He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
