Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
