someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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