I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
