I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
