9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
