we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
