Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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